Volume 1:
I wrote this post two days earlier in Microsoft Office 2007…bcoz I wanted to post it today..This "essay" quite long, I don't know who really want to read this post. Today’s post has been planned in my head. At the beginning, I still blur what is the suitable title for this post and finally I ended with this title, “Bitter Heart-Being Single Again” like the title of Zee Avi song…So, this post is all about my heart and my feelings. This is the story of what happened today! If you got my FB, you can see my current relationship status now, went from being in relationship to single. So, here is the chronology of my relationship with her. All this while I never tell my story openly in my blog. So today, I will reveal everything that what was happened between us which led to my final decision. So, I’ve decided to break this relationship, because I don’t think it will last forever if it still continuously like this without no improvement for the past three months. My decision is based on my judgement, without emotional interference and also some advices from my clicks, my best friends, and even from my sister. So, today is the time for me to end this relationship. Breaking a relationship is difficult, and the longer you wait the harder it will be. That’s what I felt! I don’t know what is her feeling now, either she is crying, or perhaps she is happening with my decision, who knows?
(Faculty of Applied Science, UiTM Shah Alam)
The first time I met her was during our first lecture in UiTM Shah Alam, she was my classmate before. Yes, I admit it that the first time I saw her face I’m already falling in love. That time, I don’t think I can get her attention and to approach her because I know who I am, as compare to her, she is one of the beautiful girl in my class. I don’t have a full package, what I’ve got is just a good academic performance. Not to say that I’m clever, but as compare to other male students in my class, I’m the one who got very good result in final exam. Indeed, I knew she already got a boy friend. Then I realised I don’t have any changes to be her couple or her special partner. So, it was game over! No more special attention to her in my class till our final year, the last semester we had in UiTM Shah Alam.
During our final year, we had a trip to Genting Highland together. At first, it was just for fun to celebrate our graduation in UiTM. Few days before that, we hang out together at Suria KLCC and also at the Aquaria. We had fun together and I felt very close to her during the trip. I took some photos with her, and kept it till today. She got my second attention when she told me that she is no longer in relationship with her ex bf or in another word already single. OMG! Why don’t I ask her personally before this, so that I can be her boy friend at least in our final semester and we can have a date together in KL, watching movie in KLCC, shopping in Pavilion and etc. All this while I thought she still have a boy friend. Can you imagine, how’s my feeling that time? So upset..huhu..Perhaps, that was the starting point of the emergence of “love” between us.
When I knew she is single and available, then I had tried to approach her again. Maybe, this is the second change for me. I’ve sent message to her more frequent than before. I have called her several times, like one of Ratu’s song “Teman Tapi Mesra”. That time, I still not confident to get her heart to be mine. I still remember, she have called me back just a few minute after I’ve called her. I thought she wants to tell me something or what, but it was all about her birthday, she wants me to wish her birthday! I don’t really know that the day I’ve called her was her birthday, it was coincidence!
My Sabahan friends keep teasing me with her, and they really want us to be loving couple since our trip to Aquaria and Genting Highland, and their hope became true when I met her personally during the academic retreat of UiTM Mukah to Sabah last year. If I’m not mistaken, the last day of our retreat in Sabah was the time I had met her at Tanjung Aru with my Sabahan friends. It was at night, before that, we were planning on watching a movie together. I can’t remember what is the title of the movie but it was all about love story movie. I bought five tickets, but unfortunately I and Husnul unable to watch the movie with them because of some circumstances, and I was really upset with it. It was all about the dinner with UiTM’s staffs at the Kampung Nelayan Restaurant. I was like a school student when my boss simply prohibited me from hang out with my friends from Sabah. Huh! He behaves like a father to me, simply told me don’t do this and don’t do that. I had followed his command in that situation since I still new in this organisation. So, who am I to disobey his instruction?
The dinner at Kampung Nelayan restaurant has ruined my plan. I thought, I will not meet her again because I don’t really sure when the dinner will ends. I was worried if they can not wait for us because it’s already late. Immediately when the dinner was ended, I and Husnul had met them at Centre Point. Thanks God, they still waiting us. At first, I wanted to watch another movie, but they refused because it was 10 o’clock already. Too late to watch a movie. Then, Helen told me to hang out at Tanjung Aru. Once we reached at Tanjung Aru, we have a drink together, it was a coconut water, sate and etc.
After that, we walked at Tanjung Aru beach together. Then, they had leaved us alone walking at the beach. It was such a romantic situation, just she and me. That time, I didn’t saying those three little words to her. I felt like my mouth has been locked tightly and my nerve system has been failures due to my nervousness.. I had missed the change to say those three little words to her!
On the way going back to Imperial International Hotel from Tanjung Aru, I still wanted to say “I love You” to her. But still I can’t do it! Once I reached the hotel room, I really regret not saying those three little words to her.
The academic retreat to Sabah with UiTM staffs was great and awesome. We had fun together, but I still can not forget about what I did during my date with her at Tanjung Aru. It was nothing. What makes me really worried was, her friend told me that someone else had proposed her and she was still in dilemma. I must do something and one step a head before she choose that guy. Once I've reached Mukah, I had sent her a text of message. This time, I have a strength to commit such “crime” because it was just through the phone. I had determined to send her massage with those three little words. That time, I think I was right, what will happen I don’t care. She rejects or accepts me is doesn’t matter as long as I have told her that I really love her.
At first, she didn’t reply my massage at all up to few days. I was thinking that she is rejecting me. Then I had tried to contact her best friend, Helen and Rina to be a “middle man” between us. Helen told me that she is still don’t believes that I had sent those massage to her. She wanted to tell me that she also loves me, but she was very shy. It was a good news for me since I felt that I didn’t “clap with one hand”. Then I called her personally just to reconfirm with her, and asked her, did she accept me or reject me. I’m so relief, on 20th June 2009 we were officially declared that we are loving couple.
Like other loving couple did when they are in love with their partner, they will always sending massage all day and all night. That’s what I did! I had sent her couples of message per day. Unfortunately, none of it was NEVER replied by her. I was wondering, am I messaging with the stones? So, I asked her, is she uncomfortable with those messages? She told me that she don’t really like to punch in and punch out like what I did. OO OO…I felt like doing something nonsense all this while. Ok, fine. That was the starting point of our problem in relationship. Effective from that day, I never do those stupid thing because she never appreciate it.
What I did was, I just call her when necessary. I wish she can send me a message while I’m busy with my job, because every time new semester begins, I'm a bit busy preparing lecture notes, with classes and etc, but she didn’t do that. She just waiting for me to call her. There is no “Give and Take” in our relationship. I've told her, if she didn't get my call, just send me with a text of message. Sure, I will reply her message.
(At least say "Happy Birthday" to your partner")
My relationship with her last for one and half year, and there were three events that took place which I never forget. Lovers means the one who loves and cares for you. The first one is what happened on my birthday. My birthday on 9 August 2009 be gone without her blessing! What do you expect on your birthday? Off course we want our partner to wish our birthday right. I’m not asking her to give me some birthday gift or what so ever, but it is just enough if she wishes my birthday, or at least send me with a text of message. Perhaps, some people might think nothing serious about, but for me, as her boyfriend, plus she is woman, she should take it seriously. It is because woman is very sensitive with all those thing. But the reality is, what she did was IGNORANCE.
If she forgets my birthday, I can accept it since my relationship with her that time was only two months. But the reality is, she knew my birthday. She told me that she did it purposely! WHAT! OMG! How can she so cruel to me. I was really upset and sad for sure but I can't force her to wish my birthday. Even the night I’ve called her asking her to wish my birthday, she never do that..That time I realised my relationship with her will be in trouble in the future because I not really sure whether she really loves me or not..If she really loves me, she will never did it on purpose..
Done with the sad story of birthday of mine. Next is about hari raya. I've bought one special hari raya greeting card to her. It is quite huge and together with hari raya song inside it. When you open the card, you must be surprised the real song not just a melody of hari raya song of “Selamat Hari Raya” by the late allahyarhammah Puan Sri Saloma can be hear clearly. I can’t remember the price of the card, but I’m pretty sure it was quite expensive. It doesn’t matter for me as long as my lover happy with it. I never ask her to give me a special hari raya greeting card like what I gave to her, because I know she still unemployed and still not working. Again, it is just enough if she wish me “Selamat Hari Raya” either through phone or simply text me a message. I still remember, my ex girlfriend before her, have a long chit chat with me on hari raya night. This so called “girl friend” never do that to me! I’ve sent her a text of message “Selamat Hari Raya” and she never reply that message with her wishes for a couple of days.
Before I proceeds to the next story, I would like to highlight one of the most important event took place in our relationship. The climate of our problem arose when one of my friend from Sabah had called me. She told me that she saw my girl with somebody else some where at Api Api center right in front of Centre Point, KK. She and the boy looks like a couple. Few days earlier, I was unable to call her. She didn’t pick up my call at all. It make me really curios why she behaves like that. When I got this news, I assumed what my friend told me was right. She have another guy, and “play wood three” with me or in another she have affairs with someone else. I felt upset with it. After that, since she still insist to pick up my call, I assume that my relationship with her is already end. I don’t want to listen her excuses because what she did to me is the clear evidence of her dishonest.
Suddenly, after a few months missing in action, she had called me. At first, I don’t want to pick up her call. After several calls, then I press the green button in my phone to answer her call. The first question she asked me was “Why I didn’t call her for almost a month”. Then I realised, all this while I’m the one who always call her. What the hell she simply question me why I didn’t call her? The night she called me was the night of “world war III” and the climate of dispute between us. When I asked her who was the boy, she told me there was nobody. Ok, I accept it..maybe my friend saw a wrong people and wrong couple with look alike my girl. She told me, the reasons why she didn’t pick up my call was on purpose. No other reason! Again, what!
To be continued…
